My biggest fear...

I have many fears and I don't know where to start. I am scared of certain type of people, scared of commitment and scared of spiders...well, all bugs actually, they scare me. However, this is about my biggest fear and it is a big one.

My biggest fear is being happy. Finally being able to succeed in things, achieve goals, to be happy, and to make something of myself. My whole life I have been told I would never be better than what I was right then, or that I wouldn't do anything but fail, or I couldn't make something of myself. I believed it and it has kept me back from a lot of things.

Lately, I have been on a self discovery journey, giving myself a makeover and really learning about me. I have taken this seriously really looking into my faults, asking myself questions, and wanting to improve on me. I have to say, this has been a rocky ride and some things I see in me I don't like but I am willing and wanting to change. 

My fear of being happy and succeeding in life comes from a rough childhood, but it also comes from me stopping me, doubting and beating myself up. I am so scared that once I reach happiness or succeeding, I will fail people and their new expectations of me. I will not know what to do after reaching that thrill of being happy, falling in love, or having a successful business. I don't want to be where I am at any more and I am willing and wanting to change. I want to embrace my failures, my goals, and my dreams and make them happen. I know with my new outlook, what I now know about myself, I can take the tools and work on me.

There is a CD series called, "Your Wish is Your Command"?  it is a 14 disk series and I heard it is really good, I am going to start listening to it. One of my good friends was talking to me about this and she said he spoke about how elephants are strong enough (as an adult) to pull themselves out of their chains. When they are babies, they get chained up, and yank on their chains, but don't have the strength yet to pull themselves free. When they become adults, they get ready to try, but immediately stop. 

As human beings, we allow our minds to stay chained and I know for a fact that is my issue. I was chained young and never broke them as an adult. This is my time for breaking those chains. I know in my life I have always put up road blocks right before something amazing happens to me. I put up defenses, barriers, make myself just give up, instead of moving forward. 

I have always let my fears control me, but now it is my time to control my fears, move forward, and really step out and keep on going. I may have fears of failure, not falling in love, being hurt, not being successful, or other chained fears, but as long as I make sure I stay OUT of my comfort zone, ignore the doubts I put myself through or the action of stopping myself, I can be happy and succeed. 

What happens next is just more happiness, more success, more rocking things out, more making me happy. I have a clear path, I may take some bumps but it will help me in the long run, help me to grow, help me to be the best me.

What’s your fear and how will you conquer it?

Whenever you feel uncomfortable, instead of retreating back into your old comfort zone, pat yourself on the back and say, "I must be growing," and continue moving forward. - T. Harv Eker

The most important thing

Right now, my life has come and gone in many different situations, some ideal and some not so ideal. I have always believed that the moment you fail at something, you failed. I have started learning in myself that that saying isn't true in the least.

When we fail, we succeed and learn so much more about ourselves, what we can do after we get up, and the joys of learning from our mistakes and the points where we went wrong.

My biggest success are my kids, not to brag, but my babies are awesome! I love watching them play, I love watching them learn, and try new things, and I love their love. How unique God is to give us children who just love unconditionally. I sometimes feel like I have failed in parenting, raising them, or have failed them, but I think they have turned out to be very respectable, loving, and giving kids.

Something I am starting with them is a chore sheet and a goal sheet. I found them at my favorite place in the whole world (Target) and they were only $1.00. They are pretty sweet...I can write in five goals for the week and place stickers in them each as they make and complete each goal, on their own or with my help. There are small You Did It awards and stickers in the booklet as well. I think its a lovely little tool.

I want to be more creative with them, trying new things, going for nature walks, especially since they do love walking and being outdoors. I think that this will help in strengthening our bond. I think it will help me as well.

Another thing I have decided to work on, is my blogging. It is a goal I made for March...to get back into blogging. I don't want to just make money off my blog and I don't want to just do giveaways, but I want passionate followers, ladies who comment on a daily basis, and a media kit....that would be amazing. To start, I am teaming up with a web (blog) designer to create a more engaging and interactive website and blog site. I want don't want to copy other mom blogs out there, especially the ones I love to follow, but I do want that feel of being known and being respected by other mom blogs.

So this will start off my new blogging experience and I can start giveaways, writing for other companies, and being a awesome mommy blogger.

So, to all those worried about your failures, don't be...they help us with our success. I think a failure is a way of making sure we stay humble, making sure we are working on ourselves continuously  and making sure we always know how to get back up. At least that is how I see it.

Hope your Monday is a wonderful start to the rest of your week.