Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Reliving birth

There are so many I would love to relive and narrowing down on one has been amazingly hard. I think of my kids’ birth, seeing their faces for the first time, holding them, goodness even just yesterday seeing my daughter bat her eyes at me.

The most loving, kind, awesome memory I would love to relive though is seeing my twins for the first time, but this time I would love to see them with my mom.

My best friend Katera wheeled me down to the NICU, we were told that the twins were in separate rooms and only two people could be in a room at a time. The NICU nurse asked me which baby I wanted to see first, and because I was so excited, I simply shrugged. She took me to see Jazmen first, who was simply beautiful. I got so choked up holding this small, acid reflux making, charming, stunning little girl, I didn’t know what to do. I held her tight and didn’t want to let her go.

Katera cooed and awed at the baby girl, whom was to soon be her sons wife (yes, we arranged their marriage lol) and then she wheeled me over to Ezekiel’s room and I saw this gorgeous little baby man…yes, my son looked like a wrinkly old man and I loved it. I kissed his little eyebrows, and smoothed out his frown. Katera smiled at him, we laughed at how much he looked like a little old dude and how long his “gangly” fingers were.

I was a happy mama…still worried about my connection with them and still wanting to be closer to them. I was wheeled back into my room and slept, not knowing of the hurt emotions my mom had.

Months later my mom told me that she had wished she could have been there with me when I had seen them, I told her she was, but she wanted to be in the room when her baby got to see and hold her own babies. I didn’t understand until then, but I did feel bad (sometimes still do) since I didn’t see it that way. I was reeling over the fact that I had almost knocked out a nurse because she came and touched my belly, I had two kids (not one…but two babies) and these little…things…were now here and now my babies I could touch, hold, feel, and love.

I would relive this moment, not only for myself, but for my mom. I would love to tell my kids I love them, whisper it to them, and connect with them (that’s another story). I would love to have done that. As for my mom, I would love to let her have a memory of her oldest baby holding her babies.