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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Amazed

2012 was a horrible year. I hated it so much...if it wasn't one thing it was another. Well, I got to change some things around and started working on my happiness. Got back into my blog, noting and writing about my journey, looking into really wanting to help and change others’ lives, even with my own crazy story. I wanted to be in charge of my life and how I was going to handle and react to things. That is hard for me since I never have been really happy with myself, never knew how to make myself stop being so angry, and my reaction time was always 0-mad angry within seconds. So I started to change.

Yes, there have been some hiccups along the way, I have stopped trying and went back to my Debby Downer ways, or I would be the victim, instead of rescuing myself. However, when December 31, 2012 came and I celebrated it on the road with my twins as we were driving from Arizona to Colorado Springs, CO...I realized that I was happy...that I really loved me. I was on my way to making 2013 a really good year. Don't get me wrong its been a bit of a mess at some points, but hearing from people saying that they've noticed my changes, or that others let me know they are inspired by me (I know right lol) that it made me want to be better.

March to April was really tough. I felt a bit betrayed and hurt by someone I cared about and that took me for a bit of a loop on this journey. However, after much prayer, much crying, and much "Erika, just stop it." I finally have let that part of my life go. It happened, I didn't change it or speak up, and now it is done. However, the friends that I have had that have helped me out...simply floored me. The ones that picked me up emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially, I couldn’t believe I had so much love given to me.

When I decided to change my course of life in 2012, I let go of many people who I barely spoke to, people who continuously used me for their gain, and others that I knew there wasn't going to be nothing there. Instead, I started speaking more to those that were and have been my friends. A group of ladies that have helped me out with encouraging words, to my best friend for just keeping it real with me, to my mom and family just being supportive, letting me rant.

So when everything happened in March and April, I thought I was alone, but it was those friends, the ones I had laid roots with, the family that weren't blood related but still were family...they came to my rescue and I have loved that ever since.

In our life, we have people who come into our life for moments, for seconds, to be there to teach us something or for us to teach them something. We have people in our life who we believe are our friends, but turn out to be not. I named this post Amazed because I am, once again, amazed by how our life changes, how many friends I have, how things have been happening for me and working with me and teaching me lessons. I am amazed that I get so much love from the twins, amazed by my own talents, strengths, and my friends.

2013 has been rough but it has been amazing as well. I got a job after not having one for five months, I got my tooth pulled on Tuesday and on Wednesday, after work, my daughter simply came up to me and rubbed my face and goes "Mommy, how are you feeling? Can I kiss your ouchie?" How amazing is a child’s love!?!?  This year may have a rocky start, but its going to have a great middle and a fantastic end.

How have you been amazed?